Long Distance Relationships

Aired at RADIO INQUIRER 990AM  last August 31, 2012 , Josa on Air @ Bantay OCW

My husband left for Middle East assignment last Dec. 31, 2011.  Yes, you can read back, on the eve of New Year!  It was our first separation in all  of our 16 years of marriage. Whoa!   You can imagine how the separation hit me so hard.  It was so tough for me that for 2 whole weeks I was like a headless chicken going everywhere and nowhere.   Writing about this now still produces that same longing and pain I had since the day he left but am much saner. more focused  and productive.   Read on how I did it!
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LDRs or Long Distance Relationships seems easier these days with the availability of various social networking sites and face to face online communications that are cheaper and faster. Sure, It is easier to communicate but how does one manage long distance relationships?

1. Pick your medium.

At the onset, each should discuss the time and manner of communication that is convenient for both.  While  video calling maybe comfortable for others, it may create pressure on the other.  Other forms such as text messaging or email may be explored. Familiarize yourself with the technical aspects of an online conversation. It is frustrating having to fix something in the middle of a chat. Try to limit talk time. Consider time differences and convenience of each party.  Establish agreed rules but resist control. Remind yourself by jotting down issues that need to be discussed as partners/ family.  Keep the partner or spouse updated and informed but not burdened.

2. Maintain excitement.
 

 Be spontaneous. Create surprises. You may want to send a card via courier or snail mail.  Record a good morning greeting video, a song or poem.  Do things that you enjoy doing together as if your partner is physically with you. You may eat meals "together" or visit websites, share your bucket list etc.  You can include other family members specially the kids. Being spontaneous brings out more laughter and excitement and breaks the monotony of just you and partner chatting online.

3. RE-INVENT YOURSELF

photo by Louise Delovieres

Welcome the separation and use the time to improve and empower yourself. Other couples request for cool off.  Go into a physical fitness regimen. Learn another language, a new skill or hobby or start again on the diet you keep on breaking.  Your new skills may also augment the family’s income. Continuously improving yourself holds your self esteem up. You can also try learning relaxation and meditation, both  known to improve self control and patience which can really be put to test by LDRs.

4. ESTABLISH YOUR END TIME

Agree on a time goal until when the separation will be. Set a certain number of months or years that you’re willing to endure for LDRs.  Without an endpoint in view, love will just start to wane.

5. NO COMPROMISE.

Do not compromise trust and faithfulness,  specially for married partners.  Never put yourself in a position that will cause your partner to doubt your integrity. If you must go into an activity or event, state so your intention to your partner. Removing gray areas in your relationship will strengthen it and will lead to other areas of interests and interaction.

LDRs can be a challenge to handle. It requires focus and commitment plus a good measure of time and money.  Quite a lot for a relationship huh? Keeping up only says you want that relationship to last.

Space and time are just relative realities. Love can make them vanish.

                   Mantra : I am loved and I have faith!